what kind of random?!

dedicated to my "other half"

this piece speaks from a female's point of view and i think all men out there should read it and honestly evaluate urself against it. i got it from an inspiring person and well, it inspired me in many ways. read on:

ouu-yeah-feel-good-let-the-swagger-move-you-type feeling

knock, knock. is anyone there?

     i had a talk with a real good friend of mine the other nite. i haven't talked to her in years and we rarely even talk. i live here, she lives there kind of situation. so, we talk online. i was talking to her and i just have this sense, this intuition like something's on weighing heavy on her mind. so i stopped beatin around it and i asked her how is everything? r u ok? she gives the famous yeah, i'm good. why? hmph. i already know just from her asking me why? already means there's something going on. she's on the defensive. so i get a little more specific and ask her r u still with ******? n she says no. i knew it! she tells me its complicated. so out of courtesy, i dropped the subject n didn't want to get in her business.
    the subject about church and praying comes up. i must've asked her how coming back to the choir must feel like. she tells me it feels good to be back. and she adds that's when i got with ******.  i thought it was pretty cool to have two blessings back to back. then out of nowhere she says amin, don't tell anyone but sometimes i cry at night. i was surprised so i asked why? do u miss him? she says it wasn't that. she told me she feels alone. she has her friends and her family around, but she doesnt feel like they'd understand what's going on inside her. all the questions and anxieties are piercing her mind like pins and and she starts to cry before bed. she tells me she cries herself to sleep sometimes because she's so confused. she prays and prays and prays so hard for help, but it's too much for her to bear. 
    i felt her pain. the distance nor black and white letters i was looking at thru the screen of my phone was able to stop me from feeling how she felt. it hit me so hard to hear her anguish and pain! and on top of that, she feels alone. i felt my soul move. i told her that she wasn't alone and that i was there to listen whenever she needed an ear. it made me look at myself and all the times i felt the same way. all the times that i sat or laid in bed feeling like my sanity was hanging by a thread! she didn't trust anyone because she felt that only God makes her feel safe and that being at Church is the only reason why she can put up with this pain. i told her God loves her and won't let her go thru anything she isn't capable of overcoming. she told me she felt better and was going to go sleep. i told her don't think too hard. when ur strength and courage end, that's when He takes over and His mercy begins. so hang in there!
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she's not the only one that feels that way. i'm sure everyone here feels the same sometimes. God uses instruments/messengers to carry out the work here on earth. u won't know who, but u'll feel it when the words are being said. when u hear those words u've been wanting to hear for the longest time, u'll know. internalize it and take it from there... keep ur heads up! the race is almost over. and when ur at ur last, remember---- there is ALWAYS someone there. g'nite.

minski.

for the soul.

i close my eyes and i begin to picture
what defines my happiness
lookin past a manly list
talkin bout strivin for wealth here on earth
i invest time and energy to regain one's birth
a moment of clarity
surrounded with full belief and tranquility
enslaved, not by one's mind or lust, but
inner peace
refusing contentment
addicted to fulfillment of self and
commitment to the betterment
to be one that's worthy of self
worthy enough to call on for help

imagination runs rampant
hopes and dreams materialize
seein isn't believin-- believin is seein without the eyes
i'd keep them closed until id be able to witness u by my side
and its only then will i open them
condolences to the third-eye blind
but i do have hope in stem
like a tree branch extend
like when a seed gets blown across fields in the wind
lookin for a source of food
a spring of nourishment
that when i walk, the land flourishes n calls me like "Min!"
"rest and ease ya mind--
take a moment and breathe and u'll be just fine."

i'm doin some soul searchin...